Apple bans “whimsy” from iOS App Store

Apple has announced updated policies for it’s iPhone and iPad App Store which include a ban on any and all Apps that are “Whimsical in nature”.

“When we banned all emulators from the App Store, we were hoping people would take the hint,” stated Tim Cook, CEO of Apple. “We banned a Nintendo Entertainment System emulator. Then we banned a Commodore 64 emulator, for Pete’s sake. Now we’re banning a DOS emulator. But developers keep submitting Apps that are too darned whimsical! I mean, come on, man! How much more clear do we need to get? No whimsy. Period!”

The new App Store policy specifically forbids any App that is determined to have a “Whimsy Scale” rating of 5.7 or higher.

“Our engineers have worked, around the clock, to construct the Apple Whimsy Scale ™ system,” stated Tor Myhren, Apple VP of Marketing. “This 10 point scale accurately determines just how whimsical an App is. For example: Twitter earned a 1 on the Whimsy Scale, providing almost no joy whatsoever. Twitter can stay. Whereas iDOS, a DOS game emulator, earned an 9 on the Whimsy Scale. Which is, quite simply, an unacceptable level of whimsy. It’s gotta go.”

Current Apps which violate the new rule will be given 30 days to de-Whimsy, at which point developers are encouraged to re-submit for evaluation… or be removed from the App Store entirely.

“A good general rule,” one Apple engineer told The Lunduke Journal, “is that if something about the App you are developing makes you smile… it might make someone else smile too. So you better just get rid of it. Best to not take any chances.”

Bryan Lunduke

Former Deputy Editor for Linux Journal magazine. Former Technology Journalist for Network World. Former VP of Technology. Former Linux Marketing Director. Former Dishwasher.