C programming language removes racist semicolon

The American National Standards Institute (ANSI) and the International Organization of Standardization (ISO) have modified the standard for the C programming language to remove the semicolon (“;”) which many groups have described as “racist” and “problematic”.

“This is a huge win for inclusivity within the programming communities,” stated a representative from Microsoft, a company which encouraged this change. “So many people lack access to semicolons, especially those in rural and underprivileged communities. By eliminating this toxic, end-of-statement character we have achieved a major victory against ASCII 59 privilege.”

One Twitter user praised this change:

“Using ;’s allowed software developxrs to include as much White Space as they wanted in their code! Nearly infinite Whiteness! That’s racist.”

But many say that these new changes to C simply do not go far enough in promoting diversity and inclusion within the developer community — and addressing the long history of discrimination at the hands of the predatory C programming language. Several programmers took to social media to advocate for additional changes to the C standard.

“The SHORT data type is highly offensive! ‘unsigned short i = 0’ should be ‘unsigned vertically challenged i = 0′”

“C was created by CIS-gendered White Men in a Computer Information System (CIS) department! Double CIS! They were probably trained in Computer Information Sciences, too! Triple CIS!! C is the language of the oppressor!”

“C allows type casting. Type casting is obviously Cultural Appropriation.”

“Structured programming is based on the hierarchical structure of Western Patriarchal civilization! STRUCT is *literally* a keyword of C… and of the Patriarchy!!”

“!= is not equal! != deserves equality!!!”

“Strongly typed programming languages, like C, fail to recognize that one type of variable may identify with another. Variable fluidity is real. What you may call an int, may identify as a char. Mis-variable-ing is literally violence.”

In response to this change to the C language standard, The Linux Foundation — the organization which controls the Linux kernel — has declared full support for the removal of the racist semicolons by saying, “The Linux Foundation will immediately adopt this new standard, which is a major win in the fight for diversity and inclusion.”

In unrelated news, the latest version of the Linux kernel is now reporting roughly 50 million errors at compile time. The cause remains unknown.

Bryan Lunduke

Former Deputy Editor for Linux Journal magazine. Former Technology Journalist for Network World. Former VP of Technology. Former Linux Marketing Director. Former Dishwasher.